Facebook Status Updates

Wobble Dance, Can’t Get In, and Hilarious Statuses.

Editorial Team

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20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work. How do you know so little about doors? Dumb ass.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I’m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.
Just once I wish they’d open a unit on storage wars & a bear jumps out & mauls Dave right as he’s saying YEPPPPPPP
It’s not you, it’s your bathroom mirror pics.
Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
If your Facebook status requires me to hit a “continue reading” button, it’s not happening.
It scares me that some of you have children.
Rule #1 If you are a passenger in my car, and I turn the radio up, DO NOT TALK!!!!!
I think I just saw the Mucinex family walking out of Wal-Mart.
Just finished my book, 792 pages. That’s a lot of coloring!!
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
If I ever get Alzheimer’s, I want someone to put a cape on me and tell me every morning that I used to be Superman.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don’t want to see.
They say you’ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing?
No means no! Except when it comes to a Facebook invite then “maybe” also means “no.”
I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow.