Make the weekend last longer, share these…
Top 20 Weekend Status Posts:
- Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
- I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.
- The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
- I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
- Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
- I feel my most adult when I accidentally get drunk at an inappropriate place/time and spend 98% of my brain power trying to act sober.
- Get hoarders addicted to crack, they’ll sell off all their crap. Boom, problem solved.
- Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
- The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
- Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
- Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
- ATMs should require you to pass a breathalyzer before you can make a withdrawal after midnight.
- There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
- People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just being ambidextrous.
- The highest state of defense readiness in the US is DEFCON 1. More commonly known by women as: “I’m fine.”
- Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
- I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. 🙁
- You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
- The year is 2060. iPhone 842 is released. The screen touches you..
- At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.
Why he lick me?
Dat Look Doe! Share if you enjoyed 🙂
The Incredible Waterfall Swing…
You don’t even get wet, that’s amazing!