Waterfall Swing, Lick’d, and Top 20 Weekend Status Posts

Make the weekend last longer, share these…

Top 20 Weekend Status Posts:

  1. Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
  2. I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.
  3. The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
  4. I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
  5. Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
  6. I feel my most adult when I accidentally get drunk at an inappropriate place/time and spend 98% of my brain power trying to act sober.
  7. Get hoarders addicted to crack, they’ll sell off all their crap. Boom, problem solved.
  8. Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
  9. The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
  10. Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
  11. Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
  12. ATMs should require you to pass a breathalyzer before you can make a withdrawal after midnight.
  13. There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
  14. People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just being ambidextrous.
  15. The highest state of defense readiness in the US is DEFCON 1. More commonly known by women as: “I’m fine.”
  16. Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
  17. I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. 🙁
  18. You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
  19. The year is 2060. iPhone 842 is released. The screen touches you..
  20. At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Why he lick me?

Dat Look Doe! Share if you enjoyed 🙂

The Incredible Waterfall Swing…

You don’t even get wet, that’s amazing!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates!