Laughing At Your Own Text, 20 Funny Statuses, Bot Trust

October 21, 2015 Actual Facebook Statuses, Facebook Status Updates

Laughing At Your Own Text

Share if you crack yourself up!

20 Funny Statuses:

Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Figuring out that you’ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
A “Tap Out” sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward’s anger.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say “Don’t get smart with me!”
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
Nothing tests that whole “for better or worse” thing like the question “does this look infected?”
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
I’ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones.
I’m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.