Make the weekend last longer, share these…
Top 20 Facebook Status Updates This Week:
- Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
- People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
- The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it’s having the phone number of somebody who does!
- Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
- I need pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING.
- Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
- To reduce stress, I do yoga. Just kidding, I drink wine in my yoga pants.
- I’m not chubby, I’m just really easy to spot in a crowd.
- Don’t bother sucking up. I already don’t like you and that’s not gonna change.
- Never laugh at your significant others choices. You’re one of them.
- Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
- Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we’re going.
- The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I’m home alone and my power goes out.
- Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
- My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
- I don’t want you anymore. Until you want someone else. Then you’re mine. Until you want me again. Then I’m distant. But don’t go anywhere.
- If you are the older twin, call your little sibling 50 times a day and say “when I was your age” then describe what you did 6 minutes ago
- When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver
- Marijuana: The super glue that holds your life together after all your dreams have been shattered by the responsibilities of adulthood.
- No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
This Dog does NOT want a kiss…
Quit smothering me, DAD!
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