Complicated Relationship, Shy Dog Wants Watermelon, and 21 Hilarious Status Updates

Happy Friday, share something good…

21 Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. There is a time and a place for decaf coffee…. Never and in the trash.
  2. Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
  3. I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
  4. Girl messes up guy’s hair = cute. Guy messes up girl’s hair = death.
  5. That awkward moment when you have to get over someone you never even dated.
  6. People don’t even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, take a picture, & then upload it to Instagram.
  7. Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle…
  8. There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
  9. Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
  10. Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
  11. When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
  12. I walk away from auto-flush toilets like movie stars walk away from explosions…
  13. You suddenly realize that you’re all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
  14. How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
  15. I’m so disappointed that a group of squid isn’t called a squad!
  16. That awkward moment when you make a Star Wars reference in a conversation and the other person doesn’t get it.
  17. How long after walking into someone’s house is it acceptable to ask for their wifi password?
  18. I count it as a random act of kindness when you see me in public and pretend you didn’t.
  19. When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
  20. Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
  21. They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhh” when you plug it in….

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates… | Win an iPad Mini

Shy Dog Wants Watermelon…


Just give him the Watermelon!!!!

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