Hipsters, Jury Duty, and Top Facebook Status Updates

Congrats, you made it to the weekend! Share one of these…

Top Facebook Status Updates From This Week:

  1. It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
  2. Try randomly complimenting people, because sometimes that will be the only kind words they will hear that day
  3. Guacamole over everything.
  4. I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
  5. Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
  6. I’d like to see a UPS man fall out of his door-less truck when he takes a corner too fast.
  7. My favorite iOS8 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I’m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
  8. Before you can truly love someone else, first you have to love yourself. Then wash your hands.
  9. It’s a shame my generation was raised on actors and not authors.
  10. Of course the Dalai Lama’s quotes are all uplifting and optimistic… he’s never been married.
  11. So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?
  12. Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face..
  13. I’ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
  14. If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house.
  15. I’ve ruined so many good songs on bad memories.
  16. ALL relationships go through shit. REAL relationships get through shit.
  17. It’s amazing how ugly beauty can be.
  18. How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?
  19. I don’t stumble around when I’m drunk. I fall on the floor and stay there because I have dignity.
  20. Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl’s hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that we’re out of napkins

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates… | Win an iPad Mini

How to Avoid Jury Duty…

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