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Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  • Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn’t wave back… So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow. ( 100K+ Statuses: Funny Status 2  5★ Ratings)
  • Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
  • You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once.
  • STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
  • Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
  • If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
  • Glad to live in a time where being social doesn’t require making eye contact.
  • I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
  • I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
  • The awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they’ve repeated themselves about 4 times.
  • I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace.
  • When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see him too?”
  • When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
  • Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
  • Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.  (Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff ) 
  • The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.
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Captain Cat reminds you to fly safely!

Captain Kitty

Adorable! Pass along the Captain Kitty to all your Facebook friends for instant-likeability.

20 Different Handshakes Video (Funny)

Now, you know you’ve been in some of those situations! Other of them are just plain funny 🙂 Share and Share alike my friends.

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Make sure to stop back tomorrow for our world famous, Halloween Status Updates special edition.