Funny Facebook Statuses, 20 Handshakes, and Captain Kitty

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Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  • Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn’t wave back… So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow. ( 100K+ Statuses: Funny Status 2  5★ Ratings)
  • Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
  • You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once.
  • STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
  • Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
  • If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
  • Glad to live in a time where being social doesn’t require making eye contact.
  • I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
  • I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
  • The awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they’ve repeated themselves about 4 times.
  • I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace.
  • When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see him too?”
  • When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
  • Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
  • Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.  (Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff ) 
  • The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.
Use our Funny Statuses to strike up some great conversations on Facebook!

Captain Cat reminds you to fly safely!

Captain Kitty

Adorable! Pass along the Captain Kitty to all your Facebook friends for instant-likeability.

20 Different Handshakes Video (Funny)


Now, you know you’ve been in some of those situations! Other of them are just plain funny 🙂 Share and Share alike my friends.

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… Just, “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Try our awesome FREE Facebook App  for 100k+ Facebook statuses to choose from.

Make sure to stop back tomorrow for our world famous, Halloween Status Updates special edition.