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Random Status Updates for Facebook:
- The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do it. ( 100K+ Statuses: Funny Status 2 5★ Ratings)
- Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
- This polo shirt has two buttoning options: Uptight golf prick or disco chest hair.
- As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
- Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day.
- Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb crap.
- Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says “No, we are not there yet!” every 30 seconds.
- I’m at my most ninja-like when I see a new checkout opening up at the supermarket.
- When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say “You hit like a bitch.”
- Sometimes my mom says she’s smarter than me, but who’s living rent free in whose house and who’s eating all whose groceries? (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
- I wish I were as attractive to women as I am to mosquitoes.
- They’ll hate you if you’re pretty. They’ll hate you if you’re not. They’ll hate you for what you lack and they’ll hate you for what you got.
- I’m so glad you don’t give a crap, because that would be a disgusting gift.
- The words “I’m sorry” and “my bad” usually mean the same thing… Except when you’re at a funeral. Never say “my bad” at funeral….
- I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government.
- “Don’t worry, spiders are smaller than you.” Yeah? So is a grenade…
- I have your nose. If you ever want to see it again, follow my instructions exactly. No cops.
- If you’re bragging about how little you tip that doesn’t make you a financial guru. You’re just an jerk. (Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
- I can’t remember too much about last night, but according to my bank statement I had a pretty good time.
Cute Bear does the “YMCA” Dance:
Although a dancing bear, isn’t original – this picture is! Share this pic on your FB for instant likes, comments, and karma.
Mike Tyson at age 15….
Wow, that’s absolutely crazy! That speed is incredible. It’s easy to see why he was such a gifted fighter and athlete.
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