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Random Status Updates for Facebook:
- The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do it. ( 100K+ Statuses: Funny Status 2 5★ Ratings)
- Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
- This polo shirt has two buttoning options: Uptight golf prick or disco chest hair.
- As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
- Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day.
- Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb crap.
- Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says “No, we are not there yet!” every 30 seconds.
- I’m at my most ninja-like when I see a new checkout opening up at the supermarket.
- When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say “You hit like a bitch.”
- Sometimes my mom says she’s smarter than me, but who’s living rent free in whose house and who’s eating all whose groceries? (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
- I wish I were as attractive to women as I am to mosquitoes.
- They’ll hate you if you’re pretty. They’ll hate you if you’re not. They’ll hate you for what you lack and they’ll hate you for what you got.
- I’m so glad you don’t give a crap, because that would be a disgusting gift.
- The words “I’m sorry” and “my bad” usually mean the same thing… Except when you’re at a funeral. Never say “my bad” at funeral….
- I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government.
- “Don’t worry, spiders are smaller than you.” Yeah? So is a grenade…
- I have your nose. If you ever want to see it again, follow my instructions exactly. No cops.
- If you’re bragging about how little you tip that doesn’t make you a financial guru. You’re just an jerk. (Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
- I can’t remember too much about last night, but according to my bank statement I had a pretty good time.
Cute Bear does the “YMCA” Dance:
Although a dancing bear, isn’t original – this picture is! Share this pic on your FB for instant likes, comments, and karma.
Mike Tyson at age 15….
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRs5budNvxg[/youtube]
Wow, that’s absolutely crazy! That speed is incredible. It’s easy to see why he was such a gifted fighter and athlete.
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