Crazy Chimp Fight, Awkward Dodge, & 20 Witty Status Updates

Get over hump day, share one of these..

20 Witty Status Updates:

  1. I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
  2. I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
  3. If a white girl falls in the forest and no one is around to omg, does she even?
  4. My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
  5. I can look dead in your face while you’re talking, and not hear a damn thing you said.
  6. I need to start drinking green shit and jogging.
  7. I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
  8. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Except, maybe, a burger and fries.
  9. I’d love to do something today, but I already did something yesterday.
  10. I need to take a day…..or four.
  11. Kill first, ask questions later. What kind of bug was it?
  12. Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
  13. A group of mistakes is called a life.
  14. I want time to play games, snack, and nap. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.
  15. Every group of friends has a guy who they only call by their last name.
  16. A mother’s sacrifice is not having a child. It’s 9 months with no wine.
  17. How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
  18. That awkward moment when you laugh so hard your eyes get water and people think you’re crying.
  19. I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
  20. A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Crazy Chimp Fight..

Whoa! It’s like the chimp evolved at the 1 minute mark into a super chimp. That was crazy. Share/Like if you enjoyed.

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