Facebook Status Updates

Blah Blah Dog, Relationship Advice, and Genius Status Updates

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Genius Status Updates for Facebook:

Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I’m about to take.
Sometimes a person is completely out of the picture but you just can’t let go of the frame.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
I mixtape love you.
That awkward moment when you show someone something really funny & they don’t think it’s funny at all.
I hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone might kill you in the shower.
True friends don’t judge each other…. They judge other people, together.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Me after just cleaning my room:
Wow, I am never letting my room get messy again!
The next day:
Has anyone seen my bed?
Horror movies don’t scare me. 5 missed calls from mom scares me.
Online dating creeps me out! I’ll stick with good old-fashioned prison penpals.
Thinks its should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon!
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whom you won’t let see a picture of her you just took.
Anyone want to be friends with benefits? Like we’ll give each other rides to the airport and help each other move but still be just friends.
The line between sleeping in my clothes and wearing the clothes I slept in has blurred.