Life Is Short…
20 Funny Statuses:
- It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
- You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
- I always scratch off the “Plus One” option on wedding invitations are replace it with “Drinking for two”
- The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
- Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
- Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
- “Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
- “Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you.” -Honest spam
- I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
- Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you’re really clingy and annoying.
- I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
- Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
- Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, “So how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
- Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
- Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
- Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
- My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
- If you don’t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
- Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you’re so stupid
- Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
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Tha Flippa Remix – Robot Roll Call
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