Babies Are Too STINKIN’ Cute, 20 Funny Statuses, What Is In The Box?

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I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I’m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as “doing some undercover work”
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause.
You know you’re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Plot twist: WebMD says you’re just thirsty
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I’m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me… And apologize for after.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it’s been since you’ve had a date?
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
You’re only young once but you can be immature forever!
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn’t going to plan.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I wish some people’s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people…