TV Shows, Mama Isn’t Home, and Weekend Status Posts

Make the weekend last longer, share one of these…

Top 20 Facebook Status Posts from this weekend:

  1. Ever update an app and realize the “fixed issues” were all a lie and it will never be the same? That’s what going back to an ex is like.
  2. There are 2 types of people in this world – people you drink with and people who you hang out with that make you want to drink.
  3. Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
  4. I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
  5. The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.
  6. Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.
  7. My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
  8. You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.
  9. If a political bumper sticker changes your views, please don’t vote.
  10. I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
  11. And then God said, “Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I’ll give women the power over which to control it.”
  12. The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
  13. Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
  14. Tupac has been dead for 18 years and still makes albums and you can’t text me back?
  15. Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
  16. If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
  17. Single September
    Only Me October
    No Man November
    Don’t Date December
    Yeah, I got this.
  18. You can’t regret anything in the morning if you sleep till noon. #ProblemSolver
  19. Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
  20. I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

When Mom Isn’t Home, Stuff Like This Happens…


Hilarious! You know the fun goes down when mom’s not around 🙂 If that wasn’t enough, try the remix.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you back on Monday for more Funny Facebook Status Updates 🙂