Lost Friends, Sing-A-Long Dog, and Ridiculously Hilarious Funny Status Updates for Facebook.

Make Monday count, share one of these…

Ridiculously Hilarious Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. As a college student my favorite words are “free” and “cancelled”
  2. ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp. required. Must speak 4 language, have 2 olympic medals, and a reference letter from Barack Obama.
  3. Can I take a sick day if I’m just sick of work?
  4. I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
  5. Peyton Manning always looks like someone is explaining the internet to him.
  6. I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they’re just gonna spend it on more bells.
  7. Instagram me like one of your French toasts.
  8. If a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose.
  9. Never trust a girl who doesn’t fart. You never know what else she’s holding back from you.
  10. If you’re ever about to post song lyrics, ask yourself is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thing down flip it ‘n reverse it.
  11. If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
  12. “I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
  13. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  14. My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
  15. How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
  16. TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you.
  17. WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
  18. Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
  19. “Do what you love” is shitty career advice because mostly what I love is spending time alone and eating breakfast food.
  20. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Sings Along With Adele…

Heart meltingly cute!

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