Make Monday fun, share one of these… 20 Awesome Facebook Status Updates:
- I used to be able to sleep for 4 hours, wake up, and function normally. No problem. Now I need 10 hours of sleep just to feel alive.
- *gets absolutely nothing done*
well time for a break
- You could give me 67 years to do homework and I wouldn’t do it until the night before.
- I hate when people ask questions during movies like do you not understand that a movie purposely doesn’t tell you things in order to build suspense.
- Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
- *burns 200 calories @ the gym*
*eats 2000 calories afterward*
- Food will never break my heart.
- My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
- Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
- It’s getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.
- The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
- The more periods she writes after “ok…” the less okay things are.
- Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
- If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
- Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make shit happen.
- Creepy: People who request middle seats on airplanes.
- People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
- It’s amazing how 3 minutes with the wrong person feels like an eternity, yet 3 hours with the right one, feels like only a moment.
- A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
- Clear the unused time on the microwave, you monster!