Make Tuesday fun, share one of these…
Smart Facebook Status Updates:
- Only a fool trips on what’s behind him.
- Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
- *cares more about TV show characters and their problems than my own*
- If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
- Me: Mom I need money
Mom: What? Did you spend those two dollars I gave you in 2003 already?
ok - Today I’m wearing a nice dark shade of exhaustion under my eyes.
- Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor’s coupons?
- My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
- I’ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
- Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
- My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
- Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
- It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.
- We’re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings.
- A lot of you lose your shit and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
- Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
- Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
- Getting my kids to school on time is like organizing a moon landing with tiny, grumpy astronauts.
- I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says “don’t be an asshole”
- Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…
Cruel Mommy…
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_h-d6-uMS4[/youtube]
Dawwwww poor baby! Does all that hard work of peeling the orange and then mom just takes it from her. Happy ending though 🙂
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