Speed Reload, Texting Tone, & Top 20 Weekend Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..

The Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:

What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, “I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”
The expiration date on this bottle of vodka is one hour from now.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
I hate it when people call dogs “stupid”. I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human shit?
I’m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
The next time there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
“Erectile Dysfunction” is such a harsh term. Why not just call it “Sleepy Peepee?”
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
I’m an adult, but not “I watch the news & know what’s going on in the World & shit” adult.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
I wish the government would go through my e-mails, because I’m never going to.
I don’t need GPS to tell me my life’s headed in the wrong direction.
I grew up in the era where you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.
“truth or dare”
“Dare”
“Order us pizza”
You’re not over it if it still makes you angry.