Therapist, Limbo Prank, and 20 Wednesday Status Updates

Get over hump day, share one of these..

20 Wednesday Status Updates:

  1. Wed. Nes. Day. How I have to say it in my head to spell it every damn time.
  2. We should start keeping giraffes a secret from young children. Imagine discovering giraffes exist when you were like 15. “Woah! Check out that long necked horse!”
  3. If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
  4. I’ve never answered the question, “Are you hungry?” with “No.”
  5. That awesome moment when you hear a song and every single word perfectly describes your situation.
  6. My six month old daughter has tripled her weight since birth. If this trend continues, by the time she’s 10 she’ll weigh over 17 billion pounds.
  7. The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
  8. For the first time, there is about to be a generation of parents who are better than their kids at video games.
  9. 5:00: oh boy Chinese food
    5:05: I ate way too much Chinese food
    5:10: oh boy leftover Chinese food
  10. The possibility exists that someone murdered another person, was never caught or even suspected and right this moment is reading this post while wondering if it’s referring to them.
  11. If a Burger King married a Dairy Queen, they would probably live in a White Castle.
  12. Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
  13. The letter “W” should be called “WE.” It’s one syllable (versus 3), rhymes with other letters like “ve” and “ze.” And most importantly it’s what you get when you turn “EM” upside down.
  14. In 50 years or so there will be a genre known as “classic techno”.
  15. I often wonder how many last minute decisions have prevented me from dying.
  16. My philosophy when I pack:
    If you don’t need it, pack it anyway you might need it.
  17. Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
  18. My life is just an awkward series of humiliating moments separated by snacks.
  19. I’m from the Friend Zone originally, but now I live in the Bae Area.
  20. TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Epic Limbo Prank:

Could you imagine if this happened to you? I’d be so embarrassed! Please like or share if you enjoyed.

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