Talking Dog, Set Them Free, and 20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses

Make it over humpday, share one of these..

20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

  1. You can’t control everything. Your hair was put on your head as a reminder of that.
  2. When your kids are little you’re a super hero.
    When they’re teens you’re a super villain.
    After that, your only power is invisibility.
  3. Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
  4. I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
  5. Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me.
  6. Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
  7. A UPS truck is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
  8. What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
  9. LIKE if you still have to whisper “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” to yourself.
  10. When life throws me a curveball, I try to duck so it hits someone else.
  11. I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
  12. Full disclosure, I will attend literally any event that involves wine & cheese.
  13. A court date is still technically a date, right?
  14. My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
  15. Everyone reserves the right to lie when the doctor asks how many drinks they have each week.
  16. I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
  17. Dating you makes me want to be a better person. So I can date better people.
  18. Who let me adult? I CAN’T ADULT!
  19. Every day I have to remind myself that summer is one day closer. But then WAFFLES.
  20. I need a partner in wine.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

So, Dogs Can Talk Now..

That was insane. It sounded like a kid!

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