Make it over humpday, share one of these..
20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:
- You can’t control everything. Your hair was put on your head as a reminder of that.
- When your kids are little you’re a super hero.
When they’re teens you’re a super villain.
After that, your only power is invisibility.
- Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
- I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
- Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me.
- Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
- A UPS truck is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
- What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
- LIKE if you still have to whisper “Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” to yourself.
- When life throws me a curveball, I try to duck so it hits someone else.
- I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
- Full disclosure, I will attend literally any event that involves wine & cheese.
- A court date is still technically a date, right?
- My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
- Everyone reserves the right to lie when the doctor asks how many drinks they have each week.
- I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
- Dating you makes me want to be a better person. So I can date better people.
- Who let me adult? I CAN’T ADULT!
- Every day I have to remind myself that summer is one day closer. But then WAFFLES.
- I need a partner in wine.
So, Dogs Can Talk Now..
That was insane. It sounded like a kid!
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