Facebook Status Updates

Surprise Friend, Roar Inspiration, & Crazy Status Posts

Editorial Team

564

Score more likes, share these…

Crazy Facebook Status Posts:

Being an adult is dumb.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Me everyday: today is not my day.
According to the white girl weather report, today will be “suuuuper duper sunny” with a high of “ughhhh” and a low of “fuh-reezing!”
Am I the only one who keeps their phone on silent 99% of the time?
America: Where the phones are getting smarter and thinner, while the people get dumber and fatter.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
That awkward moment when someone comments on a really old picture and you realize they were probably stalking your Facebook.
I was very moved by your shove.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
If you were killed tomorrow, I wouldn’t be at your funeral because I would be in jail for killing the person that killed you.
Some people should come with subtitles.
Take a lesson from the weather.
Learn to be talked about without responding.
Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.
Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.
Dinosaurs were lies, fed to us to cover up the existence of Pokemon.
How are babies not self-consciousness of their thighs?
I’m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can’t get off the couch or I’ll die.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!