Shampoo Prank, Dat Look, & Uber Clever Status Updates

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Make it over the hump, pick something funny and share…

I dream about naps.
It’s scary how much I think about food.
No emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/
Dont go broke trying to look RICH….act your wage!
FACT: Everybody needs a smart ass, sarcastic friend.
There is nothing rarer and more beautiful than liking every song on an album.
Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
It’s funny how after an argument is over, you start to think about more clever shit you could have said.
The 78th Rule of Fight Club: When it’s your turn to bring the snacks, be respectful of your peers’ food allergies.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
Dentist: Do you remember the last time you flossed? Me: It should say on your sheet right over there.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
On a scale of 1 to 10: you’re a 9 & I’m the 1 you need.
I’m cold. Not like freezing cold, but bitchy cold.
Forget having a fat day – I’m having a fat life.
Our smiles should touch now.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I need new swear words.
I’m beginning to understand why all the Soap Operas are going off the air. It’s because everybody is on FACEBOOK airing out their dirty laundry. I mean who needs Days of Our Lives. I’ve got Days of Yalls Lives right here! Commercial free!