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Witty Facebook Statuses:
- If you really want people to notice you, be a typo.
- Home is where the pants aren’t.
- That awkward moment when you get really mad at someone in real life because of something they did to you in a dream.
- We all have chapters, in our lives, we don’t want published. Be reminded though that it’s those chapters which make the book worth reading.
- I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.
- I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
- People with 1 syllable names f*cking ruin the happy birthday song.
- Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
- Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
- You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You’re a slut 🙂
- You call it “insulting”, I call it “describing accurately”.
- Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that read, “Why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?”
- On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
- Some days the pieces just look better lying on the floor where they fell.
- I don’t mind if you wear the pants in our relationship, because if I’m doing it right, you won’t have them on for long…
- “What did he say?” “Who is she?” “What just happened?” (Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my mom)
- Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my own reflection and think to myself, “You’re welcome mirror.”
- I heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart.. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.
- Some of you must be really tired from jumping to so many conclusions.
- The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
That Moment When Your Song Comes On…
LOL! This kid is amazing. Share if you enjoyed 🙂