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20 Best Facebook Statuses:
- I got 99 problem and Kim Jong-ain’t-Un.
- Move over Weight Watchers, there is a new way to lose weight…It’s the “I can’t afford to buy groceries to feed myself because I just filled my gas tank” diet.
- Ever feel about as useful as a white crayon?
- I am not a mind reader…Please adjust your communication skills accordingly.
- Cops sent me a picture of me speeding through a red light so I sent them a picture of a check. Hope we’re even.
- Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
- Is corn the only thing that’s delicious after it explodes?
- So God invented Christian Mingle to hook you up with his pick for you? Doesn’t seem like the best use of his time.
- HILARIOUS PRANK: Create a system where people pay thousands of dollars to go to college, to get a job, to pay for having gone to college.
- Your bachelor party sucked if the wedding still happened.
- Relax, I know what I’m doing. I read half an article about this on About.com
- You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
- I’m thinking about going out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought and nearly died for my right to party…
- Sarcasm: because apparently beating the shit out of people is illegal.
- When a woman crushes your heart, don’t look back. Go accomplish your dreams, life is not a Disney Movie.
- Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Wednesday.
- “I’ll make 2 trips.” -No Man Ever
- Thanks for posting 300 photos of your baby on Facebook… also thanks for reminding me to buy condoms.
- Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
- I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Redbull Does This….
That…is….scary… yet I want to share it.. and so should you!
Run Around Sue:
If you thought that Grandma was dancing… Share it!