20 New Status Updates EVERY damn day…
Fresh & Funny Facebook Status Updates:
- I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?
- Life’s best lessons are learned at the worst times.
- I’m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn’t work out.
- I am constantly making the decision between being a good person or being a sarcastic asshole.
- Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
- If you made a liquor called Responsibly all your competitors would be legally obligated to advertise for you.
- The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
- Let those who do not understand me fear me. Let those who understand me fear themselves.
- I’d really like to find the person that named the sensitive part of your elbow the “Funny Bone” and punch them in the face. See how funny they think that is.
- Time for three Rs, refrigerator, recliner and remote!!!!!
- “I faked all my LOLs.” -A Facebook romance comes to a dramatic end.
- I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
- There’s got to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning…
- Men who don’t understand women fall into two categories: Bachelors and Husbands.
- Women don’t want to hear what you think…Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice.
- If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.
- I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
- The way some people find fault, you’d think there was some kind of reward.
- If I were you, I’d get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day.
- I wish we could get rid of most safety warnings…so Darwin’s law would take place and idiots would be gone.
Cat is Straight Posted Up:
That Cat is straight maxin’ and relaxin’ if you likey…sharey!
Cup Song Fail:
LOL! Poor gal 🙂 Guess they didn’t know about national sibling day.