Read & share these…
ROFL Status Posts
- Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
- At times, I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear in bubbles over our heads.
- Ask-hole: Someone who constantly asks for advice then does the opposite of what you told them.
- It’s only Wednesday and I’m already 94% done with this week.
- 1% battery left and you run like a ninja to get your charger.
- Mi papá tiene 47 años = my dad is 47 years old Mi papa tiene 47 anos = my potato has 47 assholes I love Spanish.
- I never use the little twist ties to close the loaf of bread. I spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
- When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
- When I get really bored I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit there and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
- Why don’t hoarders ever hoard money?
- My phone has more apps than contacts.
- Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
- A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.
- I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride.
- I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
- I colored my hair today. Never doing that again. It took 5 hours and 12 Sharpies.
- I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig…. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
- I’m not fat. My stomach is 3D.
- Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Bug Eyed Kitty…
Eddie Murphy + Snoop Dogg = Red Light
Wow! That’s surprisingly good 🙂 Bravo Eddie Murphy, glad to see you’re still around and being productive.