Something for everybody, share these…
Witty Status Updates for Facebook:
- No one looks back at their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
- Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.
- Start your day with coffee. End your day with beer.
- Out of all the lies I’ve told, “Just kidding” is my favorite.
- Love has 4 letters and so does beer.
- Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
- When girls call their boyfriends “daddy” I just want to vomit all over their existence.
- You’ve got to love yourself…but never in public places.
- Remember, he who laughs last is the idiot who took forever to get it.
- “And the rest is history.” -Lazy history teacher
- It’s weird that you need money to stay alive.
- If you’re going to bother Google with a search, it is polite to type “excuse me” first.
- So called “Trader” Joe’s wouldn’t let me pay with furs or rum or even live birds.
- We should give the Nobel Peace Prize to the person who figures out how to clap while holding a drink at a concert.
- When I “rage against the machine” the machine is usually a printer.
- Have you ever lost your sunglasses on top of your head?…me neither…
- Dryer broke, microwave works, laundry is now dry.
- The food pyramid tastes better turned upside down.
- Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
- I have discovered that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.
Dog + Stick-On Eyebrows = Awesome…
Haha! I feel that every dog could use a set of eyebrows to better express their emotions 🙂
Guy Vacuums His Pet Duck:
Some ducks love Vacuums, Some Hate them. Either way, cute video! Share if you like.