Guaranteed laughs, share these…
Gut-Busting Facebook Statuses:
- You don’t know something? Google it. You don’t know someone? Facebook it. You don’t find something? MOM!
- Standing closer to me in line will not get you to the checkout faster.
- I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
- Whenever I am walking behind someone slower than me, I take it as an opportunity to practice my pimp walk.
- If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
- I’m not calling you an idiot but we should use people like you to test if stuff is safe.
- Sometimes there is just not enough face for this palm.
- Being angry over someones sexual preference is like being angry over what some stranger behind you orders at McDonald’s.
- If you never allow your child to experience failure and disappointment, they will not be equipped to handle adulthood.
- I have OCD as well as ADD. Basically, that means I like to keep shiny objects that distract me in an even number of neat, organized piles.
- I need a hallmark card that says “Sorry for the things I’ve said about your girlfriend I didn’t know you were gonna get back together again”
- My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
- What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
- I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
- Nothing ruins a great night’s sleep like waking up in the morning.
- Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
- I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
- I’d probably buy a lot more DVDs if they stopped wrapping them in indestructible witch-plastic.
- If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
- If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
That is one BIG Doggie…
Raccoon Eating Grapes:
That mischievous little fellow is up to no good, I know it!