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20 EPIC Facebook Statuses

We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Sure, I would say I’m attractive. Mostly to cats, and sometimes birds.
Is anyone going to tell America’s Funniest Home Videos about youtube?
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
I sometimes pretend to have Insomnia, when really I just have no respect for tomorrow.
I hate that “I know I forgot something” feeling.
My music taste ranges from “You need to listen to this now” to “I know, please don’t judge me”.
I’m not weird.
I’m a limited edition.
I’m nervous about doing this cleanse, I’m worried that after I flush all the toxins out of my body there won’t be anything left.
Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible.
Cold weather can trick your body into missing someone who’s terrible for you.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I hope they never charge money to charge your phone. I’d probably spend my last $5 on that, rather than food or gas.