Parking GoKart, Bite Back, and Laugh Worthy Facebook Status Updates

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20 Laugh Worthy Facebook Status Updates:

On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don’t have a moon where I live.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.
I love hearing “saw this and thought of you”
That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking your pen and you have to click it one more time to use it.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.
Could you imagine if Alex Trebek had a twin? DOUBLE JEOPARDY
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Common sense is a lot like deodorant. The people who need it most, never use it.
How much whiskey goes into cookies? I’m new to this whole baking thing.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn’t even apply for a job there.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
This polo shirt has two buttoning options: Uptight golf prick or disco chest hair.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??