Motorcycle Head, Mission Impossible Mouse, and 21 Priceless Facebook Status Updates

Make hump day count, share one of these guys…

Priceless Facebook Status Updates:

1. Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale about the dangers of underpaying IT workers
2. Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
3. If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
4. What would happen if– for one full day– everyone in the entire world pretended that they couldn’t see or hear Kanye West.
5. There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
6. As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
7. Walk up in the club screaming, “money ain’t a thing, it’s an illusory construct that blinds us to the sources of real happiness.”
8. The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do it.
9. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
10. I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care.
11. Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?
12. Why stress over something you can’t change?
13. Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says “No, we are not there yet!” every 30 seconds.
14. Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit.
15. “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
16. Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
17. The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.
18. When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say “You hit like a bitch.”
19. Would you mind repeating the part where you weren’t talking?
20. I’m guilty of singing songs that I don’t know all the words to, but for that 15 seconds I do know, I own that shit.
21. I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Mouse went full Mission Impossible trying to get away…

“You’re home early……”

Loading Motorcycle Like a Boss…

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