Make hump day count, share one of these guys…
Priceless Facebook Status Updates:
- Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale about the dangers of underpaying IT workers
- Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
- If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
- What would happen if– for one full day– everyone in the entire world pretended that they couldn’t see or hear Kanye West.
- There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
- As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
- Walk up in the club screaming, “money ain’t a thing, it’s an illusory construct that blinds us to the sources of real happiness.”
- The awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and can’t do it.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care.
- Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?
- Why stress over something you can’t change?
- Just modified my GPS for when my kids are in the car. It says “No, we are not there yet!” every 30 seconds.
- Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit.
- “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
- Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
- The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.
- When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say “You hit like a bitch.”
- Would you mind repeating the part where you weren’t talking?
- I’m guilty of singing songs that I don’t know all the words to, but for that 15 seconds I do know, I own that shit.
- I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government.
Mouse went full Mission Impossible trying to get away…
“You’re home early……”
Loading Motorcycle Like a Boss…
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