Make Monday count, share one of these…
Intelligent Facebook Status Updates:
- Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
- Facebook needs a “settle down” button you tap on a friend’s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately.
- Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
- Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
- If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
- Being ugly on the inside should change how you look on the outside.
- Fast Food Steps: 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat
- I hate that feeling when you wanna text someone, but you basically have nothing to say.
- You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a huge house and cry in any room you like.
- You know what’s funny? Lot’s of shit. Loosen up already.
- Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
- My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
- Most people don’t realize this… But, you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone about it.
- Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
- Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
- My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it…..
- Scenes from “The Exorcist” could have been filmed in my car while I’m stuck in traffic.
- Letting someone in your life is like turning off the antivirus, downloading a file from the internet, installing it & hope it’s not a virus.
- Do angry people know about naps?
Guilty Dog Compilation…
Those some guilty doggies! Share if you enjoyed.