From this week on the FB, share one of these…
Facebook’s Best Status Updates:
- Every day is just a new opportunity to eat tacos.
- The woman I am most likely interested in isn’t at bars or meetup, but at home watching Netflix, and there’s no way I’ll ever meet her.
- I’m happy, but not “Oprah just told me to look under my chair” happy.
- Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
- If you ever find that you’re the most talented person in the room, you need to find another room.
- That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH.
- 12 hours into this marathon Netflix stopped asking me if I wanted to continue playing and just quietly asked, “You okay?”
- I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
- I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.”
- Ever work out and think “wow I really needed that”? That’s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
- We’re all gonna die. How are you gonna live?
- I’ll screw a stranger but I won’t even use a loved one’s toothbrush.
- Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
- Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the asses of anyone else who does it.
- It’s almost Thanksgiving… Sweatpants, suit up.
- For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of the horse.
- Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.
- I wonder what my dog named me.
- Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
- Things are getting pretty serious between us. We haven’t laughed in months.
Cat is Endlessly Amused by Paper…
Looks like she’s having a blast!