Make a friends day, share one of these…
20 Clever Facebook Statuses:
- Well, at least it’s not Monday.
- I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
- I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
- Can we not and also say we didn’t?
- Instead of “single” as my status, I prefer “independently owned and operated”.
- As grandma used to say, “stop being a whiny little bitch and eat the f*cking gluten”.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon… I’ll let you know.
- I’ll summon the end of days. I’ll burn the earth. I WILL BRING ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE! Oh never mind, the wifi’s back on.
- Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
- I hate it when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund Bitch, you make 12 million a movie & I make $12/hr. You send money.
- If an athlete’s photographed with a bong it’s an embarrassment; if he’s photographed with a beer it’s an endorsement.
- How is McDonald’s breakfast delivery not a thing yet?I can order a wife from another country but I can’t get someone to bring me a fricken’ egg mcmuffin.
- Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
- 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
- The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
- They say you’ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there’s some middle step I’ve been missing?
- At this point, it’d be more efficient to use “WAS NOT MADE IN CHINA” stickers.
- Why isn’t the movie ‘What Women Want’ just 90 minutes of Ryan Gosling doing an ab workout on a pile of Nutella and money?
- Hard butter is the devil.
- 20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…
Why Men Hate Being in Pictures:
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