Old Man Skateboard, Office Mondays, & Top Status Posts

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Top Facebook Status Posts:

  1. The awkward moment when you’re waiting for a text but then you realize you’re the one who didn’t reply.
  2. After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
  3. I really just want Morgan Freeman to read me bedtime stories.
  4. I wish the minutes between hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
  5. It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
  6. If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
  7. A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a coconut.
  8. A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.
  9. You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
  10. McDonalds should have 3 drive thru windows. The one you pay at, the one you pick up your order, and the third to trade in all the wrong crap they gave you.
  11. Don’t wake me up unless the house is on fire or you have food for me otherwise Google your problems.
  12. Things I wish were real:
    1) Krabby Patties.
    2) Jimmy Neutron’s inventions.
    3) A school like PCA
    4) Hogwarts.
    5) Timmy Turner’s goldfish.
  13. Daaaaamn girl are you a smoke detector cause you’re annoying and won’t shut the heck up.
  14. Me: I’m just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
    Me: Wakes up February 5th, 2096.
  15. The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
  16. People on the Internet: “Omg you’re so beautiful, how are you single?” People at school: “Ew get back in your cave.”
  17. Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. One leg out, perfect. Til’ the demon of Paranormal Activity grabs it and drags you down the hall.
  18. *Sends risky text* 15 seconds later no reply.”Oh God what have I done!”
  19. My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I’m about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident.
  20. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS (Just Updated)

Case of the Mondays at the Office:

case of the mondays

Poorrrrr baby!  I think we all share your feeling of Monday.

Old Man Throws Down EPIC Skateboarding Tricks:

Well, that was unexpectedly awesome. Share if you enjoyed!

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