Million Dollar Winner, Cat Wink, and Best Funny Status Updates

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Best Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. Dreams are just the brain’s Screensavers.
  2. When I was a kid, I hated going to bed. Now I cherish every hour of sleep.
  3. I wanted to try out my Spanish skills, so why not the Spanish version of instructions at the ATM, but then I was like- what if it gives me pesos?
  4. Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  5. I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I’m marrying my dreams
  6. Just had to ask myself, “What would a competent person do in this situation?”
  7. I plan my nights around who I will be drinking with.
  8. A PT Cruiser is just a chastity belt you drive around.
  9. Every hero has that villain to keep them going.
  10. Yeah I talk to myself. It’s the only way I can have intellectual conversations.
  11. 99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times.
  12. *looking at my old pictures*
    me:
    me:
    me:
    me:
    me:
    me:
    me:
    Did I seriously look like this? how come no one told me?
  13. The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
  14. If someone describe something as “better than sex,” everything they say from then on is a lie.
  15. Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
  16. This status update is only available in English.
  17. How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
  18. Don’t tell me I’m insulting your intelligence when it’s obvious you have none.
  19. if you knock on my door and I say “yeah” it doesn’t mean “come on in!” it means “stay where you are and state your business.”
  20. If I don’t answer my phone the first time you call, calling 5 more times isn’t going to make me answer.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS (Just Updated)

Cat Wink:

Cat Winks at You

Previously we had the $500,000 winner, now we have the $1Million Dollar Winner:

How unbelievable is that?!?! Who guesses Tough Workout on the first try?!??! Amazing 🙂 Congratulations to her! Share if you enjoyed it.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Check back on Monday for more funny status updates!