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Really Funny Facebook Status Updates:
- Hey morning, sorry but this just isn’t working for me.
- I had a smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then came home and ate the entire kitchen for dinner.
- Nothing is truly lost until your mom can’t find it.
- There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
- I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
- Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
- Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
- I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- I work hard so future me can chill the f*ck out.
- Even I don’t take my relationship advice.
- Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
- Not feeling too good so I went to WebMD and entered my symptoms. I’ve been dead for 20 years.
- I don’t mean to brag but I have more food in my body than in my refrigerator.
- Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
- When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
- That was funny. But I don’t like you. Therefore I shall not laugh.
- One of the great things about the internet is spending your time reading about something, and then the next day reading about how it’s fake.
- A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
- If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m tired. If I get too much, I’m tired. And even if I get the right amount, I still need three pots of coffee.
- Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Dog Works at Airport Returning Passenger’s Lost Items…
I’m going to fly them and lose something ON PURPOSE!