Best Friends, Concerned Ghost, & Great Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

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Make Humpday fast and fun with one of these…

20 Great Facebook Statuses:

If you’re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don’t google ‘old man bond age’
“Good for you!” means, “I do not consider you a threat” in woman-speak.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
There is no better karate instructor than a spiderweb in your face…
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
What’s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can’t run around so much?
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “northwest.”
Ya, I’ll meet you there. I just have to run home and change my mind.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become beer but didn’t.
I’ve accepted that I’ll never get back to my original weight. After all, when you think about it, 6 lbs. 3 oz. is pretty unrealistic.
If women don’t work as hard as men, it’s only because we get it right the first time.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.