Kids Job Interview, Crazy Math, and Weird Status Updates

Get over hump day, share one of these…

Weird Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
  2. Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
  3. The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.
  4. I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
  5. You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
  6. 2 things I look for in a woman: Intelligence and a filthy mind. So, basically a pervert with a high IQ.
  7. I want a hot body but I also want hot wings.
  8. No matter what they did to you to make you hate them, you just can’t forget about someone that was good in bed.
  9. The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
  10. No one your age has any idea what they’re doing either. No matter what age you are.
  11. I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
  12. I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, “This is why we have to stay in school”
  13. Good thing I’m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
  14. People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.
  15. A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
  16. What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
  17. Here’s a crazy concept, maybe I’m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it’s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
  18. If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
  19. That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
  20. Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates… | Win an iPad Mini

Kids Mimic “Job Interview” (Hilarious!)

You’re fired! I’m just kidding, you’re hired. LOL!

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