When You Notice, Never Shave, and Funny Status Posts

Tuesday will be fun when you share….

Funny Status Update Posts:

  1. Tuesday, I just can’t with you right now.
  2. I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
  3. My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
  4. Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You’re the Microsoft Word Paperclip.
  5. I’ve finally worked up the courage to tell you how I feel: I feel hungry.
  6. Do you ever eat a delicious meal, then save the best bits of whatever is on the plate for the “perfect last bite”?
  7. I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
  8. I knew I should have stayed in bed today.
  9. Single white sock seeks same.
  10. If she shaves it and you ain’t gettin’ it. Someone else is…
  11. Not only do I believe cannabis should be legalized, it should also be forcibly administered to Congress.
  12. “Oh, you’re left handed?” – people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I’m just doing it for show.
  13. This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
  14. That awkward moment when a stranger looks at you while you are taking a selfie.
  15. This whole grown-up thing has been fun but I have to go now.
  16. The Send All function should require another person to key in a code like you would for a nuclear launch.
  17. I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille.
  18. The best part about living alone is that no one is there to witness your bad choices. Well, other than your cat.
  19. Anyone else feel that iTunes is complete sh*t?
  20. The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.

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Never Shave Your Beard:

Little girl is so adorable! You can literally see the moment when she realizes that’s daddy 🙂 So cute!

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