Score more likes, share these…
Top Twenty “Just Joking” Facebook Status Updates:
- Throughout the shutdown if you need someone to ignore your basic needs while taking a sizable percentage of your earnings, I’m here for you.
- Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
- Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
- The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
- GF fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait…
- I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
- I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
- Less day, More hump…
- Whoever originally thought up the vampire idea should have trademarked it.
- Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
- I’m a sucker for a nice set of vocabulary skills.
- Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
- I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.
- Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.
- Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
- If you’re feeling lonely, just remember that there are trillions of tiny creatures living on & in your body thinking you’re their universe.
- Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it can take advantage of some pretty attractive lease options.
- Compromise begins with you agreeing with me.
Government Shut Down:
Kid Wants to Dunk It…
Hahah! Poor Kid 🙂 Good news folks, he’s alright! That’s what the safety equipment is for!