Kid Dunks It, Government Shut Down, & 20 Joking Status Updates

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Top Twenty “Just Joking” Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Throughout the shutdown if you need someone to ignore your basic needs while taking a sizable percentage of your earnings, I’m here for you.
  2. Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
  3. Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
  4. The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  5. GF fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait…
  6. I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
  7. My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
  8. I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
  9. Less day, More hump…
  10. Whoever originally thought up the vampire idea should have trademarked it.
  11. Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
  12. I’m a sucker for a nice set of vocabulary skills.
  13. Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
  14. I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.
  15. Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.
  16. Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
  17. If you’re feeling lonely, just remember that there are trillions of tiny creatures living on & in your body thinking you’re their universe.
  18. Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
  19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can take advantage of some pretty attractive lease options.
  20. Compromise begins with you agreeing with me.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Government Shut Down:

Agreed!

Kid Wants to Dunk It…

Hahah! Poor Kid 🙂 Good news folks, he’s alright! That’s what the safety equipment is for!

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