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20 Intelligent Facebook Statuses:
- Can’t….get up……Bring…..coffee.
- That awkward moment when you get mad at someone and slam the door then realized you forgot something so you have to go back.
- People who respond to your weird facial expressions with equally weird facial expressions are the best kind of people.
- Some of my friends are buying houses. I just purchased bread on credit.
- If I’ve learned anything from soap commercials, it’s that only attractive people take showers.
- To find your prince you need to kiss a few frogs not sleep with the whole pond.
- Coffee: The original first responder
- I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I do make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
- Never, ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
- Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
- I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
- Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
- I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn’t think she knew about.
- Snow is like people: a little bit can be beautiful, too much sucks; and when it sticks around for too long it can make murdery feelings.
- If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
- I once created a password for a website that was so strong the NSA offered me a job.
- If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
- My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
- Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers “Bless you” and hangs up.
- I took the “Which 90’s Cartoon Are You?” quiz and got “You’re a f*cking grown man. Stop it. Right now.”
Sears Air Conditioning Commercial Remix..
LOL, “You’ll call now.” I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for winter to end already. Share/like if you agree.
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