Facebook Status Updates

GoPro CrabNet, Grammar Lesson, and Platinum Status Posts

Editorial Team

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20 Platinum Facebook Status Posts:

We all have that friend that couldn’t show up on time to save their life.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.
My work here is dumb.
I went to the gym today. It was my second time GO ME! The first time I signed up. The second time I renewed.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it’s cool. I’ll wait. BTW You can FLY dumbass!
I love it when the one actually insane person in the office says, “call me crazy, but..” Because we totally DO!
You know what is the difference between promises and memories?
We break promises, whereas memories break us.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
There’s something about the Smart Car that makes me want to beat it up and take it’s lunch money.
Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
I sing along to songs I don’t know the lyrics to.
You were not “just wondering” now tell me why you asked.
Before a Staring Contest I always blink a lot to get ready.
My bed is so possessive. Every morning it holds me captive
Why do we feel the need to say “hold on” several times while we’re on the phone with someone looking for a pen?
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
That awkward moment when you say, “Just kidding“ but you’re actually dead serious.
“Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you.” “So is a grenade!”