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20 Platinum Facebook Status Posts:
- We all have that friend that couldn’t show up on time to save their life.
- Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.
- My work here is dumb.
- I went to the gym today. It was my second time GO ME! The first time I signed up. The second time I renewed.
- Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
- You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
- Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it’s cool. I’ll wait. BTW You can FLY dumbass!
- I love it when the one actually insane person in the office says, “call me crazy, but..” Because we totally DO!
- You know what is the difference between promises and memories?
We break promises, whereas memories break us.
- The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
- There’s something about the Smart Car that makes me want to beat it up and take it’s lunch money.
- Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
- I sing along to songs I don’t know the lyrics to.
- You were not “just wondering” now tell me why you asked.
- Before a Staring Contest I always blink a lot to get ready.
- My bed is so possessive. Every morning it holds me captive
- Why do we feel the need to say “hold on” several times while we’re on the phone with someone looking for a pen?
- Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
- That awkward moment when you say, “Just kidding“ but you’re actually dead serious.
- “Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you.” “So is a grenade!”
GoPro + Crab Net = Amazing
Dem Crabs! So crabby. That dolphin at the end is like, nuh uh I ain’t fallin for that.