Facebook Status Updates

Whale Repeater, Duct Tape Car, and Ridiculous Statuses

Editorial Team

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20 Ridiculous Facebook Statuses:

My room is either the temperature of antarctica or the gates of hell.
It’s too bad you can’t wear that filter in real life.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
My sarcasm will be the end of me.
A true friend is one who sees all the good & the bad deep within you, yet stands by you as they reach out their arms to hold you regardless.
Walmart needs observation decks.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
We never hear anything from Rick Astley these days. It’s almost like he’s given us up, and let us down.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert.
Damn it! A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
I’m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again….
You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
No, I don’t want to “Like” your business on Facebook. I barely “Like” you.
Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
“I’m sorry, am I boring you?”
“Yes you are, I appreciate your apology.”