Ugh, Tuesday, Share one of these to speed up the week…
Fun Facebook Status Updates:
- Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
- That was funny, but I haven’t had my coffee yet so I’m unable to laugh or show any emotion.
- Teacher: You failed your test.
Me: You failed to educate me.
- Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
- “You’re cute when you’re mad.”
“Yeah, well I’m about to get really freakin’ adorable”
- This year, the Super Bowl will be won by the team with the fewest members in jail.
- I have 2 hairstyles – cute and homeless.
- Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
- “Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life.” – Homer Simpson
- That awkward moment when you wave at someone, but then it’s not the person you think it was.
- Chicken Pot Pie. Three of my favorite things. Doesn’t even have to be in that order.
- When I text someone and they don’t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
- I look forward to the day when people will only know Cancer as a Zodiac sign.
- If Taco Bell really did “Think outside the bun,” they would add margaritas to their menus, and replace hot sauce packets with Pepto Bismol.
- Don’t send me a text with “;-)” and wonder why I show up to your house naked.
- The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I’ve decided to start growling.
- After socializing and being nice to people all day it’s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an asshole on the Internet.
- No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
- I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
- My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
German Shepard throws a Fit when told to stop swimming…
Haha, can you blame them? Swimming is awesome! Especially when you’re a doggie 🙂