Forehead Beer Pour, Tan Lines, and Entertaining Status Updates for the Weekend.

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Entertaining Status Updates for the Weekend:

  1. The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
  2. Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great.
  3. Me and my best friend don’t talk every day… That’s still my best friend though.
  4. Everyone is getting into relationships and growing up and I’m just getting lazier and finding more tv series to watch.
  5. My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a tv show in one week.
  6. Girls all go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle.
  7. There’s no stronger sunscreen than sitting at the bar.
  8. It’s not you. It’s your bourgeois ideology of the self.
  9. I’m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
  10. When people say “let’s agree to disagree,” they mean “I’m over talking to you and I still think I’m right and you’re wrong, asshole.”
  11. I got you something better than a present. I wrote “happy birthday dude” on your Facebook when a robot reminded me it was your birthday.
  12. Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right! Tomorrow I’m going to try three.
  13. Regardless of how I die, I’m going to have “Died from not forwarding email to 10 different people” engraved on my tombstone just to mess with peoples’ heads
  14. I have your nose. If you ever want to see it again, follow my instructions exactly. No cops.
  15. My train of thought is loco, no motive.
  16. Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
  17. The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
  18. Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
  19. Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
  20. I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Guy Pours a Beer Using His Forehead…

This guy would win America’s Got Talent hands down.

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