Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Entertaining Status Updates for the Weekend:
- The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
- Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great.
- Me and my best friend don’t talk every day… That’s still my best friend though.
- Everyone is getting into relationships and growing up and I’m just getting lazier and finding more tv series to watch.
- My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a tv show in one week.
- Girls all go to the bathroom together because that’s where we rap battle.
- There’s no stronger sunscreen than sitting at the bar.
- It’s not you. It’s your bourgeois ideology of the self.
- I’m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
- When people say “let’s agree to disagree,” they mean “I’m over talking to you and I still think I’m right and you’re wrong, asshole.”
- I got you something better than a present. I wrote “happy birthday dude” on your Facebook when a robot reminded me it was your birthday.
- Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right! Tomorrow I’m going to try three.
- Regardless of how I die, I’m going to have “Died from not forwarding email to 10 different people” engraved on my tombstone just to mess with peoples’ heads
- I have your nose. If you ever want to see it again, follow my instructions exactly. No cops.
- My train of thought is loco, no motive.
- Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
- The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
- Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
- Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
- I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Guy Pours a Beer Using His Forehead…
This guy would win America’s Got Talent hands down.
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