Metal Construction, Puppy Push, and Brilliant Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Brighten Up Your Monday, Share These…

20 Brilliant Facebook Status Updates:

First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating.
Hey guys if you’re looking to test out a nasty computer virus or some horrible spyware, my mom would gladly open/download/test it for you.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.
I have my fourth interview with the same company tomorrow. Not sure if I’m a prime candidate for the job or if I’m dating the CEO.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
My son can now reach the light switches so don’t come over my house unless you’re really into raves or want to have a seizure.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Dudes. The most cringeworthy creeper line is: Don’t I get a hug? Stop saying that. We hate it. Good Talk.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy” I then wait at green lights ’til I feel better about myself.
I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down..
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them…
I do.
Zombies want brains…. you’re safe.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.