Brighten Up Your Monday, Share These…
20 Brilliant Facebook Status Updates:
- First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
- If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating.
- Hey guys if you’re looking to test out a nasty computer virus or some horrible spyware, my mom would gladly open/download/test it for you.
- My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.
- I have my fourth interview with the same company tomorrow. Not sure if I’m a prime candidate for the job or if I’m dating the CEO.
- My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
- My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
- My son can now reach the light switches so don’t come over my house unless you’re really into raves or want to have a seizure.
- Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
- Dudes. The most cringeworthy creeper line is: Don’t I get a hug? Stop saying that. We hate it. Good Talk.
- I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
- 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
- I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
- “I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
- I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy” I then wait at green lights ’til I feel better about myself.
- I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.
- Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down..
- Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them…
- Zombies want brains…. you’re safe.
- We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Hardcore Death Metal Construction…
Those guys take their job seriously 🙂 Lol!