Elephants Dancing, Auto Theft, and Inventive Facebook Statuses

Make Monday fun, share these…

Inventive Facebook Status Update Posts:

  1. Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
  2. Why would a straight guy hate gay guys? Here’s a group of men who look better than you.. but don’t even want women. You should be glad.
  3. It’s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it’s that only 10% of people use their brains.
  4. Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
  5. You had me at 0 mutual friends.
  6. If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
  7. Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
  8. Good friends are like stars. They are so far away, but you know they are always there to give a twinkle during your darkest days.
  9. I find a lot of people physically attractive, but finding people mentally and spiritually attractive is different and much harder for me.
  10. You’ll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you.
  11. I’m a bad mofo until I see a puppy.
  12. Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
  13. If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
  14. Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make shit happen.
  15. In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
  16. Creepy: People who request middle seats on airplanes.
  17. You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
  18. You should feel safe in a gas station bathroom because if anyone messes with you just beat them with whatever is hooked to the key.
  19. Heck is where you go if you don’t believe in Gosh.
  20. If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Elephants Dancing to Violin:

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