Dog Vs. Horn, Curly Haired Girls, and Clever Status Updates

Oh, Thursday, why can’t you be Friday? Share these…

20 Clever Status Updates:

1. How to be skinny….
   Step 1. Notice your body is covered in skin.
   Step 2. Proclaim, “Wow, I’m skinny!”
   Congratulations, you are now officially skinny.
2. Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.
3. How do porcupines have sex?
4. I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
5. I could take a picture of my living room right now and probably convince my insurance company that a freak tornado struck our house.
6. Putting vodka in my juice, because it’s Russia somewhere.
7. I’d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
8. Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
9. It doesn’t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
10. I think the greeter at Walmart should apologize to you when you walk in the door.
11. “I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
12. When you post an Instagram, you should have to write what number try that photo was.
13. Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.
14. Everyone thinks they are smart until they have to figure out how to turn someone else’s shower on!
15. There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
16. This intervention is about your cheesy jokes. It’s for your own gouda, you’re cheddar than this. You’re becoming a munster who’ll probably die provolone.
17. I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
18. Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials? Because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies….
19. “That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
20. To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Lays on the Horn: (MUST SEE!)

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3xEPpwWGqk[/youtube]

HAHA! It’s like he really wants his owner back, immediately! So funny 😛 Share if you enjoyed.