Oh, Thursday, why can’t you be Friday? Share these…
20 Clever Status Updates:
- How to be skinny….
Step 1. Notice your body is covered in skin.
Step 2. Proclaim, “Wow, I’m skinny!”
Congratulations, you are now officially skinny.
- Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.
- How do porcupines have sex?
- I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
- I could take a picture of my living room right now and probably convince my insurance company that a freak tornado struck our house.
- Putting vodka in my juice, because it’s Russia somewhere.
- I’d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
- Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
- It doesn’t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
- I think the greeter at Walmart should apologize to you when you walk in the door.
- “I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
- When you post an Instagram, you should have to write what number try that photo was.
- Real friendship is lending your Facebook so they can stalk their ex.
- Everyone thinks they are smart until they have to figure out how to turn someone else’s shower on!
- There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
- This intervention is about your cheesy jokes. It’s for your own gouda, you’re cheddar than this. You’re becoming a munster who’ll probably die provolone.
- I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
- Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials? Because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies….
- “That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
- To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
Dog Lays on the Horn: (MUST SEE!)
HAHA! It’s like he really wants his owner back, immediately! So funny 😛 Share if you enjoyed.
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