Dog Vs. Blower, 99 Orders, and Witty Statuses

Step your status game up, share these…

Witty Status Updates:

  1. My voice sounds great when I’m singing with my earphones on, Then I take them off and I realize I sound like a dying walrus.
  2. Home is where you can connect to the Wi-Fi automatically.
  3. I need a extra-large fridge for my food.
  4. That awkward moment when you see a vegetarian eating animal crackers.
  5. I can never open a Snapchat that’s a video if people are around, I don’t trust my friends at all.
  6. i never actually say hi to my friends, I just make creepy faces at them from a distance.
  7. Music is WAAAAY better when it’s loud.
  8. People get way too dramatic when telling a waiter they haven’t left room for desert.
  9. Thanks to M&M ads, I constantly hear tiny screams whenever I eat them.
  10. Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
  11. What if they read a list of everything you’ve ever typed into Google before entering Heaven.
  12. If there’s an emoji by your name in my phone, you’re doing something right.
  13. I’m so glad my car has that alarm for when I don’t have my seatbelt on that reminds me to turn my radio up.
  14. I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
  15. From now on if you type, “LOL” you should have to submit a video proving it.
  16. *Sends risky text* 15 seconds later no reply. “Oh God what have I done!”
  17. Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
  18. Remember when people would literally get mad at you if you didn’t put them in your top 8 friends on Myspace?
  19. Before you “assume” try this crazy method called “asking”.
  20. I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS

99 Problems but Your Order Ain’t One:

99 orders

LOL, Well played good sir, well played!

Dog Vs. Blower:


That puppy either loves or hates the blower. Can’t decide.

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