Facebook Status Updates

Dog Bath Trick, Largest Liger, & Status Laughs

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Laughable Facebook Status Updates:

That awkward moment when you’re checking yourself out in the window of a car and then realize there’s someone inside.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It’s people I don’t trust.
Not sure if I’m hungry or if I can’t think of anything better to do than eat.
The term “YOLO” was actually created by intelligent people to help kill off all the idiots.
Thanks for constantly inviting me to your event that I will never ever go to.
I left all my craps to give at home today.
Due to tonight’s lack of sleep, tomorrow is canceled.
Wednesday: Because Monday didn’t kill you.
Who do I speak to about quitting adulthood?
Like this if you sleep better in a cold room.
Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Life doesn’t come with instructions.
Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times.
Your smile makes me smile.
These days losing your phone is like losing your life.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
Relationships would be great if it wasn’t for all those feelings.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include “being awesome at everything.”
Auto correct can go straight to He’ll
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.” – Johnny Carson.